an amazing novel about Jesus

I just finished reading Christ the Lord: The Road to Cana by Anne Rice. I didn't plan to read it but just stumbled on it when I went to a used book table last week. Yeshua bar Joseph was a winsome character and so was his mother, in particular. There are some fictional parts of the book, unsurprisingly, but I was pleased that the novel did what I was hoping: made Jesus easier to identify with as a human. The book finishes with Jesus' miracle at Cana, and a theme is about Jesus coming to understand his mission clearly.

"I'd always known who I really was. I was God. And I'd chosen not to know it. Well, now I knew just what it meant to be the man who knew he was God."

The happiness of everyone at the wedding leads Yeshua to muse,

"Oh, if only I could indeed stop time, stop it here, stop it forever with this great banquet, and let all the world come here to this, now, streaming, out of Time and beyond Time, and into this--to join with the dancing, to feast at these abundant tables, to laugh and sing and cry amid these smoking lamps and twinkling candles.... If only I could hold them in one great embrace?"

Jesus gains a greater and greater understanding of what he is to do with his life and sets out to do it as the novel closes. "But I did not come to stop [time].... I came to live it, to surrender to it, to endure it, to discover in it what it was I must do, and whatever it was, well, it had only begun."

Wonderful - I really enjoyed it. Rice wrote another novel called Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt about Jesus' childhood that I will look for next.

the ninety-nine and the one

Yesterday I had a new insight into the parable of the lost sheep (Matthew 18:12-14, Luke 15:4-7) that related to being a teacher and a leader. In the story, the shepherd has one hundred sheep and one wanders off. He goes to search for the one sheep, leaving the other ninety-nine on the hills. Then he is happier about the one who was found than the other ninety-nine. "In the same way," says Jesus, "your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish."

This is a story about a loving Father who is willing to go in search of someone he loves who has wandered off from him. The story was told so that we would know that he seeks us and wants us to know him closely. And that we should also seek others and not look down on those who are not currently close to God.

The story was alluded to in a book I am currently reading, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. This is not a Christian book, though the author is open about the fact that he is a Christian. This makes it very interesting reading for me. It's the grandfather of modern success and productivity writing and has been very helpful on both a personal and professional level. A fair few Christian ideas have popped up, some overtly and some not.

I was reading about how we can make emotional investments in our relationships with others. One way we do this, the book says, is by showing personal integrity in our relationships. We can show integrity by being loyal those who are not present. This is a reason not to gossip or talk about someone behind their back. If you do this, the person to whom you are gossiping learns that you will do the same to them when they are not around. This lowers trust.

Also, a way to show integrity is to confront someone when your relationship needs to be mended or improved. "Confrontation takes considerable courage…. In the long run, people will trust and respect you if you are honest and open and kind with them. You care enough to confront."

Another way integrity is displayed is the care you show for one person who needs it. Your care for that person shows the others how you would also care for them. "The key to the ninety-nine is the one." 

Covey says that he learned this in the context of being a teacher and a parent. "It is the love and the discipline of the one student, the one child, that communicates love for the others." I realised that the care I show for one of my students can been seen by the others as the care I would also give to them when they need it. This also applies to the way I treat my team members. As I treat one of them with honour, the others should see that they will all be treated with the same respect.

This gives us an insight into Jesus' parable. Not only is the focus on the one person who is brought close to God, but the other ninety-nine see the care the Father shows. Those of us who are already in the family of God can see the care God shows to others and know that he loves us in the same way. We can take to heart that love.

I felt really blessed by this insight. It takes Jesus' story and helps me see how God's love permeates my life and can be the model for the way I treat others as well, in all of my diverse roles.

a first draft of my personal mission statement

I am reading The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. As a result I have been challenged to write a personal mission statement. Here it is, my first version.

I want to draw close to God and hear his voice.
I want to be a best friend to Anthony, and a support to help him grow.
I want to help students experience and explore mathematics with the end of understanding and appreciating it. I want to empower other teachers to do the same with their students.
I want to bless others with friendship and be mutually encouraged and loved.
I want to bless others with whom I interact by listening to them and valuing them.
I will do what I say I am going to do.
I will look ahead to tomorrow's work today.
I will solicit feedback, be reflective, and seek to grow.
I will seek to maintain my health and fitness.
I will be grateful.

how to get out of a bad mood

Why isn't living more of a science? It would be so much easier if sometimes there was just a formula such as "If this, then that". I feel out of sorts and cranky and I don't know how to stumble forward. I would prefer the rule, "If you feel cranky, then mope for a day and the next day get on with being excellent." But it doesn't seem to work that way.

I feel out of sorts for a number of reasons. I hurt my knee while trail running and by the end of the last three working days it has been throbbing with a hot pain. In addition to this, I have had some setbacks at work that should just be minor bumps but somehow have grown to little mountains. My marking is piling up; also I am late with a few tasks that people depend on. A few parents criticized my teaching methods last week; also my students seem to be confused by things I thought they had learned.

At home I have failed to get a grip on the laundry and it seems to be taunting me from the overflowing baskets. I forgot to buy toilet paper for one day too long. And all I can find in the fridge for dinner is three red onions.

For now I am making my own life formula. It starts with "choose the success criteria for tomorrow". Since I know that I can't solve all these problems, including my foul mood, in one day, I have chosen just four tasks for tomorrow that will be the way I will judge my success. Two are for work, and two are personal tasks. One of them is to talk to God. If I can accomplish those four things, I will celebrate the day as a small success. And then tomorrow I'll set new success criteria for the next day. This is my small effort to structure my bleak days.

mundane life things

It is a long time since I have blogged here. So I am using the only productivity strategy I have: just start with any small step. Thus, a post of mundane items. Its sole purpose it to restart a habit. This post has no other intrinsic value.

I have a mosquito bite on my elbow. What an awkward place for a bite. I have learned that I eat with my elbows on the table a lot. My grandfather would sing at me to chastise me if he could see.

I ate spaghetti with tomato sauce for lunch and accompanied this with a bowl of cherry tomatoes. Here's to more tomatoes! I love their summery flavour.

It's almost too hot for running now, except in the early morning. Sadly my running partner can only meet after work. It has been very sweaty recently. Also, I desperately need some sports sunglasses that I can wear while running.

I have started attending a Bible study group again for the first time in more than a year. It feels good to get some weekly Christian input from friends. And we eat together, which is good.

the gratitude of a runner

I have been running on and off for about a year. I still consider myself a novice. But I finally feel as though I am making progress. For the first six months I could run about ten or fifteen minutes at a time. I took walk breaks for one or two minutes after that. After about six months I could run about 5 km by doing this.

As I was starting running, I also started reading Runner's World and Zest in print and online. More recently I started reading Oxygen as well, a more serious women's fitness magazine. These have inspired me to continue and made me feel so grateful to be able to run. As it turns out, I am finding it spiritually thrilling, too.

I am aware that moving my body in exercise is a gift. Staying injury-free takes some work, too, and I'm grateful when I can do it. I have been listening to a Christian music playlist while running. One song is by Mary Mary and starts off with a spoken voice-over: "Whoa, it sure is hot out here. I don't mind though; just glad to be free." Every time I hear this as I am hot and sweaty, I am overcome with gratitude that I can be free: both free to run, and free to know Jesus. He has set me free from slavery to sin, and moving my legs somehow feels like a celebration of this. The song begins and the lyrics pump out: "You took the shackles off my feet so I can dance! I just want to praise you! I just want to praise you."

I feel as though I am using well the gift of health I have been given by looking after my body and keeping it fit. And so I also want to look after the amazing gift of spiritual freedom, by exercising my faith muscles by talking about Jesus and spending time with him.

Is there any connection for you between physical and spiritual exercise?

new year's resolutions

I found it a bit harder to bring myself to make resolutions this year. It seems harder than usual to do something every day. Work has been busy since the school year started and I took on an extra responsibility. But I am aware that in the past my resolutions have been very motivating and have usually helped me accomplish a lot. So it's time to just go for it, and make some decision, darn it.

1. Run in a 10 km event - I have my heart set on the 10 km component of the Great Wall Marathon. It's in May, which gives me plenty of time to actually gain enough fitness to run 10 km. In the back of my mind there is a feeling that this may or may not happen since I have had a few injury problems since starting to run. As a result I have been reading about how to avoid injury. Cross training, for instance. Any other suggestions are gratefully received! At school there is a once-a-week zumba dance exercise class starting up, and I'm looking forward to that.

2. Read through the Bible. The two other times I have done this I have found it to be so heartening. The first time I read the whole Bible in a year was in 2000, and I was amazed by how God was working in history as a whole and that it all really did point to Jesus. This year I want to make it more fresh for me and so I've decided to read in The Message version. (Read it yourself for free on Bible Gateway.)

3. Reflect on what I read. I have a little diary that I use to pray in writing and note thoughts down. (I got it from Dad's church and it's published by The Bible League of Canada.)

4. Keep in touch with family and friends more regularly. This is a recurring theme for my resolutions. This year I plan to keep track my success (hopefully) in my diary. I will try to email, call, or write to someone each day. As a side note, I realise that keeping this blog more regularly updated will probably help, too. (Thanks to Sarah for her encouragement. I am glad someone still checks it!)

So, the floor is open to you. What are your resolutions? Do you find them encouraging?

more things that made me happy

Things that go well need to be celebrated, since negative things take up so much of our mind-time. In contrast, I want to be a thankful person. One of the best habits I ever had was to write each night a prayer to God thanking him for (at least) six things that day. This made a great impact on me, and helped me see my blessings much more clearly.

Here are a few things, then, for which I'm thankful. Ant made me this delicious coffee the other day. It's tasty and beautiful, and it represents how grateful I am to have Ant in my life. He's a great support for me and always so encouraging.

I'm happy that I reconnected with all my amazing friends this summer. And I am blessed to be finding new friends in Hong Kong.

I'm grateful for the time I spent at the beach today with friends from church. It was relaxing and it was good to chat with them.


I have been taking my camera pretty much everywhere lately and this has led to some nice pictures. I am helped a lot by my new camera handbag, which I looooove. I am very grateful that Ant let me buy it!


I'm grateful for the authentic, informed, and open preaching at church. Our pastor talks a lot about how he has wrestled with the passages in the weeks leading up to each message. He often comes to tears or sniffles in the sermon as well. I am amazed by his openness and insights. He always has something to say that the Holy Spirit uses to impact me. For this I am very grateful.

I am thankful for the technology that helps me keep in touch with all of you. (Although I probably don't need all three of these laptops to do it!)


What are you grateful for today?

Abiding in Christ

Pari lent me a Christian book by Andrew Murray called Abiding in Christ. He is a somewhat well-known writer who lived in the late 1800s. It is a 31-day devotional, with about five pages to read each day about Christ saying, "Abide in me," in John 15:4. I am finding it really interesting and useful. I think that it has been a year since I have really prayed or learned anything from God. (In retrospect, I am not too surprised since I have been very sporadic at talking to him or reading his word.) I am glad Pari lent me the book (it was very casually done), because I feel as though I really needed to reconnect with Jesus.

Murray says that a life of abiding in Christ can be for any Christian. Jesus said to us "Come to me," and we responded when we became Christians. But he also says, "Abide in me," and this is him calling me to have rest in him. Murray says that "entire surrender to Jesus is the secret of perfect rest." He also says that when Jesus said that his yoke was easy (in Matthew 11:28-29), he was telling the truth. I have often felt that following him is hard, but Murray says that actually the hard thing is resisting his yoke. Surrendering to Jesus is restful because we are trusting in him and agreeing to obey him, knowing that it will be best.

I have read before in a famous Christian's (published) diary that they spent hours with God in prayer and they describe it as sweet relief to their soul, or they say things such as feeling refreshed after talking to God. I realise that I felt refreshed after my time with Judith or Helen or Pari because of our friendship and fellowship, but tonight was the first time I felt refreshed after speaking to Jesus. I am really amazed by my feeling, and that's what made me want to write about it.

I think another time I learned about this idea is from the book The Shack, which is an incredible story. It's a novel that describes Jesus (and also the Father and the Sprit) in the most understandable and friendly way. I feel like rereading some parts of it, because it helped me see how Jesus can be more like a friend and less like a Bible character from history.

Thanks for reading all of this. I hope that I can read and learn more, and especially come to have my soul dwell with Jesus more, because I am finding it to be quite an appealing idea. :)

funerals

At Kevin and Sonya's church today, the pastor was announcing about a church member who had died. "There seems to be a lot of funeral announcements lately," he explained, "and our brothers and sisters have gone to be with the Lord. If Jesus doesn't return first, the day will come when we will be announcing your funeral up here. It makes each of us think, doesn't it? Are we ready for what comes next?"

sunset

The view from our balcony is so beautiful sometimes. A few days during my holiday I have sat on the couch looking out there, reading a bit, drinking tea, and enjoying it. This was what Ant and I saw a few nights ago when we were eating our dinner.

I feel grateful to God for the peace that he gives us through his faithful upholding of the days; sun rising, and sun setting.

It was St. Thomas, I think, who pointed out long ago that if God wanted to get rid of the universe, He would not have to do anything; He would have to stop doing something.... Do you see what this means?... God made the world out of joy: He didn't need it; He just thought it was a good thing. But if you confine His activity in creation to the beginning only, you lost most of the joy in the subsequent shuffle of history. Sure, it was good back then, you say, but since then, we've been eating leftovers. How much better a world it becomes when you see Him creating at all times and at every time.... He has no use for [the world]; only delight.

--from The Supper of the Lamb by Robert Farrar Capon

Thanksgiving

Canadian Thanksgiving seems to sneak up on me each year. A few times I have missed it by forgetting until after it has passed. Since it's not marked on any calendar here, it can be easily overlooked. This year, though, I wanted to host a big meal and this I did! But I accidentally invited everyone over one week too early. Silly me! In my excitement and determination not to forget, I didn't actually check (or remember correctly) the date of Thanksgiving. No matter, we had a delicious and thankful day anyway.

In fact, I was so excited about having people over that I probably invited more than I should have. We had eleven eating in the end (with one more who popped over for dessert) and we had a really hard time getting them all in the kitchen to sit down. We had to put our large desk next to the kitchen table in an L shape and a few people were a bit cosy. But that family feeling is a bonus, in my mind!

The night before I roasted two small butternut squash and then pureed it to make a pumpkin cheesecake. I made it last year as well, and it is definitely my Thanksgiving dessert of choice. The crust is made from ginger biscuits and pecans, stuck together with butter.


The other item I prepared the night before was the nut bake. It's a vegetarian main dish that is often served at Christmas. It was so easy to make with the help of my new immersion blender, which also has two mini food processor attachments, as well as a whisk. The nut bake is a mixture of cashews, almonds, hazelnuts, and Brazil nuts, layered with breadcrumbs, onion, and fresh herbs.


Ant and Matt were both a huge help to me on Sunday. Ant peeled about 3 kg of potatoes and ironed the tablecloths. Matt hoovered and went to the small Sainsburys down the road twice for emergency supplies.


I'm really grateful for the friends who came over to celebrate with me and share with us all the things for which they are thankful. God has really blessed Ant and I this year with new ideas and opportunities, and continuing health and jobs that we enjoy. We've grown in faith together and we've enjoyed getting to know our friends better.

school routine

It's amazing how little time it takes to get into the school routine again. Long days of teaching, lesson planning, marking, and cycling back and forth. I manage to make dinner, and usually do one household chore each evening (ironing, or doing a load of laundry, or tidying). Then Ant and I manage to watch one TV program or read one chapter/article or play online for a while. I do the dishes and then we are off to bed by 10 pm each evening, ready to wake up at 5:35 am the next day.

It's easy to think of the daily routine as boring or tedious. But it needn't be so, I am telling myself. At the Mennonite service a few months ago something struck me and I took notes from the printed prayer:

For the discipline of life,
for the tasks and trials which train us to know ourselves
and which bring us to accept one another,
we give you thanks, O God.

So I'm hoping to see my routine as useful discipline rather than drudgery. It's a chance to learn and develop my character. Thank you, Father, for all the ways you work in life, the quiet ones as well as the more obvious, loud circumstances.

a day of rest

I spent a lovely Sunday today. A few weeks ago we were studying the Sabbath in our home group. I think we all become much more convinced that a day of rest, worship, and serving God was an essential part of our lives. Today I really had a good day or rest. After church I bought The Observer (the Sunday version of the Guardian). I had planned to do this because of the Observer Food Monthly magazine that I wanted to read. After lunch Ant was trying out his new Wii game and I was curled up on the couch with my many newspaper sections, including the Food Monthly. I think I sat there, reading, for about an hour and a half. It was so nice to relax properly--quite often I am quite driven to do chores when I am at home, or to worry about them if not actually do them. This was a nice change that I think I will repeat again soon.

Other parts of my nice Sunday included a great church service, veggie laden food, baking a loaf of Irish Brown Soda Bread (below), and doing a little clearing of clutter. How was your Sunday?

complete these quotations

Recently I have been struck by two things I have been reading. Both were surprising to me in the way that the sentences ended. (The quotations aren't alike in any other way. Just their surprising endings.) See if you can complete the quotations.

First, from the booklet, Deep Progress in Mathematics:

All students have the right to, and are capable of, full engagement with the subject [of mathematics]. Outstanding features of mathematics which make it interesting, and which make learning easier, are __________....

Secondly, from The Prayer that Changes Everything, by Stormie Omartian:

My desperate plea was that I would never lose the most valuable thing in my life. I can't imagine anything more terrible that to live life again without ________. ___________ is the most wonderful of all the gifts the Lord gives us.

First, I was reading about deep progress in maths and was surprised that the authors were about to tell me what it is about maths that makes it accessible to low-ability learners. I was expecting something about its use in everyday life; that's certainly what the curriculum harps on about at the moment. But instead I was offered a much deeper idea. The quotation finishes this way:

Outstanding features of mathematics which make it interesting, and which make learning easier, are the inter-connections between different topics and representations, and the relationships between and within mathematical structures.

So there is something about maths that I love that is also something that can make it appealing to learners and even ones who struggle with maths. So part of my job is to bring these connections to the fore and help young people discover, or at least, see and appreciate them for themselves.

Secondly, I've been reading (off and on) this book about praising God by Stormie Omartian. It has 45 short chapters about reasons and times to praise God. I knew the ending to the sentence above because of the chapter I was reading, but I was still a little surprised! The quotation finishes like this:

I can't imagine anything more terrible that to live life again without the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the most wonderful of all the gifts the Lord gives us.

I have recently been asking the Spirit to guide me more often. And to prompt me to follow through. I am so excited that I have started being more obedient to the Spirit, and so he is starting to lead me more. So today I was praising God for his most vital gift of the Holy Spirit. And asking him to continue to lead me and help me follow.

women's breakfast

Last Saturday we had the women's breakfast at church. The food there is always fantastic. We ate eggs, bacon, sausages, fruit, fried plantains, rolls, croissants, etc, etc. Actually I ate a subset of these because there was so much food! After breakfast we were discussing what to wear, and how we pick our clothes and what we and others think of them. We started with a dress up activity in two groups. In the above picture Kathleen is dressed in the new fashion, with a nod to the roaring twenties. Helen is describing it and trying to convince us of how desirable it is. In the shot below, I have been dressed by my team in a tight skirt, bodice, belt, and leggings while Dawn was giving the sales pitch.


The discussion about looking attractive was quite interesting. We were focusing on 1 Timothy 2:9-10 and talking about how we look.

I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

It was a good, honest discussion with the other church ladies. Judith was telling us that braided hair and gold and pearls were signs of a hooker in Paul's day. So I want to avoid looking trashy. I want to be a more beautiful woman in the way I dress (appropriately) and in the things that I do. I need to clothe myself with love (Colossians 3:14) above all, and a smile for others.

religious studies question

There's a religious studies class that meets in my classroom once a fortnight. When I returned recently I found a handout on the floor that interested me.

Well done! You have now covered enough work to be able to answer a GCSE RS question.

Here is the question: What reasons might a Christian give for the existence of God?

There are at least _____ reasons a Christian might give for the existence of God. Firstly, there is the ____ theory. William _____ said that just like a _____ has to have a designer, so does the earth. The earth must have a creator and that creator was _____.

Secondly we all have a _____ which tells us the difference between right and _____ when we are faced with a _____ dilemma. Christians believe that our conscience is the voice of _____ speaking to us.

Some people believe they have met _____ through religious experiences such as _____ and _____.

Finally many Christians believe in God because this is what they have been _____ up to believe. their family and friends are Christian and so they do not question their belief.


Here are some words to help you (some may be used more than once):
God, four, miracles, brought, Paley, conscience, prayer, watch, moral, wrong

I thought this was interesting because it is a simple answer to the question of the existence of God, written by someone looking in on Christianity from the outside. And I find it to contain some truths. I believe I have met with God through my experiences as well: Jesus has become real to me and someone I talk to day by day. What would you say? What reasons do you give for the existence of God when you are asked?

rememberance and heritage

I have just finished reading a book my Mother lent me, Of This Earth: A Mennonite Boyhood in the Boreal Forest by Rudy Wiebe. It's written by a Canadian author who had a very similar background to my Grandpa: family from (what is now) the Ukraine, who emigrated to Canada to escape religious persecution. Wiebe's family settled in Saskatchewan and scratched out a farm family's existence in what seem like quite harsh conditions: penetrating cold, stony soil that needed constant clearing of the bush, and few technologies. Wiebe was ten years old when WW2 ended, so my Grandpa was slightly older than him, but Mum said that the experiences Grandpa had a child were quite similar to what she read in the book.

The Saskatchewan forest seems like it was a difficult place to live but Wiebe fondly remembers his family life, knit together by a strong family life. His stalwart mother propelled him through chores and was a firm moral compass. His companionable older sisters read with him and helped him with school work. His older brother was a strong, guiding presence on the farm and provided warmth and security through his large sleeping form in the childhood bed they shared. Wiebe's Mennonite faith provided a structure of church services and an inner strength that sustained him.

Wiebe is an excellent writer (and well recognised in Canada). His family focus and growing love of words is something I enjoyed reading about. His stories are plain, natural, and engaging. He has set about the task of remembering his childhood honestly and also inquisitively, in a way that makes me also look back at his time in the Saskatchewan forest fondly, if this is possible for someone who has only a vicarious experience of it. Wiebe makes it his job to remember and report his life, thoughts, and instincts. A quotation on the frontispiece says, "What do you do for a living? I asked./ I remember, she replied." It is clear that Wiebe relished the reminiscence of his childhood.

However, Wiebe also says that he felt a physical memory of some things his parents lived through, but he had never seen. "I have felt remembrance beyond words.... when after six decades of life, I walked in places where I had never before physically been:... the village cemetery where my parents met..., the village school he [Dad] first attended...." This makes me wonder whether, if I come to know more about my grandparents and our ancestors, I would come to feel the same affinity for them and their places and their words. As I read the book I felt a connection with their heartfelt faith and devotion, which I see modelled in my Mother and her siblings. I enjoyed the Low and High German passages in the book; Ant and I have been learning German for a few months and I am starting to understand a few words. Hearing my Mother sing in German at Christmas is always very moving and seems to connect her with her heritage; it makes me feel connected just to listen. The names of the families in the book also feel like a friendly neighbour, since they are names I have heard since my youth: I have an uncle named Rudy, and Wiebe's mother was named Katharina. I hope I have opportunities to deepen my connection with my Mennonite roots.

New Year's resolutions

The fewer resolutions, the better, eh? Last year I only made one resolution, and this helped me do a better job with it. I resolved to keep in touch with my friends and family better, and I did make some progress towards this goal. I think I reply to emails better than before but I still need to keep working at phone calling especially.

This year I am going to set three reachable goals.

1. Keep in touch with my friends and family better. I am determined to continue improving at this and would welcome the occasional chastisement if necessary.

2. Do 10 minutes of non-cardio exercise each day. I get plenty of cardio through my weekday commutes. I need to do ab work, strength work, and stretching. I think ten minutes is an obtainable amount.

3. Read the full Bible during the year. I was inspired to do this by my friend Sarah in Ottawa. Last year when I didn't have a Bible reading goal I really floundered. So this year I am going to use the M'Cheyne plan to read through the Old Testament once and the New Testament and Psalms twice over the course of the year. The link above includes a printable page that I will keep in my Bible.

Over to you. What are your plans for the New Year?

inside out

I have started reading Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster, a book which I always saw on my parents' bookshelf, but never picked up. Then when I saw it at a local second hand bookshop I thought it might be a good choice from which to learn. Here is what I am learning so far.

Change happens from the inside out. I know from experience that willing change is only partially effective. In our unguarded moments, what and who we really are becomes obvious. And Jesus says that our right living has to go beyond that of the Pharisees (Matthew 5:20)--and the way in which we go beyond their righteousness is by gaining internal righteousness, not just an outward control. Right living must be an "internal work of God upon the heart." In Ephesians (which I am reading at breakfast) it says that we need to "be made new in the attitude of your minds" (4:23).

Our--My--ingrained habits are not God-pleasing. "What You're after is truth from the inside out," says David in Psalm 51 (The Message), "Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life." God works in our hearts to change us, and as well as being changed, we can stop judging others as well. Reading the first chapter really inspired me. "Our world is hungry for genuinely changed people," Foster says, and I think, I could be that changed person. God, change me. "The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people."

And the Spiritual Disciplines are a way for us to get ready for change. They are a way of "sowing to the Spirit" (Galatians 6:8), a way to prepare the ground for the growth that God will bring. We do not produce our own right living, we only tend what God is doing there. "The Disciplines allow us to place ourselves before God so that he can transform us." And so, Foster says, we are called to a "path of disciplined grace". It is called grace because it is a free gift of God and disciplined because it is a conscious action to follow this path.

"I want to drink God.... I'm thirsty for God-alive" (Psalm 42:2, The Message). I have now read the first, introductory chapter, and now I am on to the chapter on meditation. It has been odd to read about meditation while on the train or bus--I think this may become more difficult to continue. I was visiting St Martin in the Fields church yesterday and I read a bit there in the quiet sanctuary. I hope I can learn to practice the Spiritual Disciplines. Lord, change me.